when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
