3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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