remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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