is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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