so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
