Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
