Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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