I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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