In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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