Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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