I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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