Sry I called you an 8
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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