he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize