party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
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and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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