is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
