Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Alive.
So much puke
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
