I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't make out with my wife yet
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
