they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
