im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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