I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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