I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
