Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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