I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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