I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
