Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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