If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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