you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
