You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
