That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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