I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
