I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
