Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
