You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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