There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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