you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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