i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
