this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
