Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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