I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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