Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
