That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
