Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
