My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
