All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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