Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
