She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
