i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
