I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
