they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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