dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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