I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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