My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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