Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
