I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
