There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
