i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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