ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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