You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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