So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
