I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
