i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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