All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
