i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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