Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
