Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
