glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
