Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
