Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
